I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
