Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
