i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Randomize