I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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