why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
