dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
