seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
