woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
