dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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