I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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