I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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