someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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