This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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