so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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