They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
