Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
