remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
