Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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