I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
