Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
