I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
