dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Farmville is her only friend.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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