I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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