I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
