if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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