i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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