My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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