dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
