I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
