I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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