I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
