I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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