need another drink. this is the easiest way
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize