I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
