we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
