Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize