I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
