Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
