my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
