Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
