So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
