So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
