Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
