fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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