did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize