Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
