So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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