i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Randomize
