so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
