Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
