Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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