I got chris browned last night
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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