My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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