How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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