her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
