If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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