Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
