Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
