oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
