I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
We had to coat check the pizza.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize