using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
