Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
