oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
