I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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