Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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