AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
