weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
