I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
