I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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