I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize