I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
