He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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