Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I woke up under the pier.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
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