They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
