My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
