My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
