I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
