HIV tests are more positive than that guy
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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